Day 2 of the 7 Day Marriage Challenge
Day 2 of the 7 Day Marriage Challenge. Dr. John Gottman is one of the leading researchers in marital stability and divorce. He teaches a 4 step process to solving marital problems. The process is important because relationship problems are inevitable in any marriage. Research shows that it is the way a couple handles their incompatibility that predicts marriage success and not the relationship issues that the couple experiences. Read below and try to use this method the next time you find yourself in a disagreement!
Softened Start Ups
The first step to attack a problem is using a softened start-up. This means that a partner does not criticize or attack the other when presenting a complaint. Feelings are expressed in a positive way. Try to describe what is happening instead of judging the events.
Make and Receive Repair Attempts
Dr. Gottman teaches to make and receive repair attempts. This means that during an argument you attempt to break the cycle of negativity by asking for a break, sharing your feelings, telling your partner you appreciate them, or apologizing.
Allow Yourself and Partner a Break to Sooth
During a conflict, both partners become overwhelmed emotionally and physically which can lead to both partners to feel too agitated to hear what the other spouse is actually saying. Take a break to sooth yourself- wearing a Fitbit can be the perfect way to know when you are calm enough to address the issues.
Often times during an argument, both sides will have to compromise. Allow yourself the flexibility to compromise during an argument and look for common ground.
Written by: Amy Rollo, M.A., LSSP, LPC-S
Amy Rollo is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor and the Clinical Director at Cy-Hope Counseling. Amy has been practicing for over ten years. She has doctoral level training in the areas of child and adolescent counseling, marriage and family therapy, and adult counseling. Amy Rollo provides counseling and evaluation services in the Cypress, Texas and surrounding areas. Amy’s goal in counseling is to journey with her clients in order to foster positive changes and growth in their lives. Read more about Amy counseling style by visitinghttp://www.amyrollotherapy.com/about/